Children/Friends

Finally, this week, Martin and I sat down for a couple of hours just to talk, father to son, friend to friend, about the terrible loss of his beloved Lonna. We split a bottle of wine, sat down and talked of many things. He shared a unique relationship with Lonna, who became a Catholic after much searching and debate. Once a Catholic, Lonna grew so much in her knowledge and faithfulness.

A beautiful woman in person, she grew more and more beautiful both inside and out. Her friends and family all saw this; her children are a reflection of her. Her progress in devotion to God was accompanied by Martin’s deep faith—a faith that even led him to change schools and become the Guidance Director at the new Guerin Catholic High School.

Martin’s abiding faith is carrying him through this tragedy, and gives him the wisdom and strength to help his children. I am so deeply connected with him. I love all my children equally, and appreciate the different qualities each one exhibits. I have often remarked to him that I admired him and Stacey from the time they were little; they had qualities in their personalities that I wished I had. He continues to demonstrate those qualities and I’m now even more proud of him.

This week I read the horrific story of a man in Iowa who clubbed his children to death in their home, one by one, with a baseball bat. I cried, I couldn’t help it.

I ache for the children. Their father, whom they must have trusted and loved—there were four children, after all—became a monster. Their horror is unfathomable. Then I read a short article about whether fathers and mothers can become friends of their children.

As children grow and move out into their own lives, they grow in their independence. When the return to their parents’ house, they are often treated like children again.

At Mass, during the 1970s, we used to sing the old Crosby, Stills, Nash song, “Teach your children.” It’s a lesson to parents. But the second stanza says to children, “feed them (your parents) on your dreams…don’t you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry, so just look at them and sigh, and know they love you.”

As the article says, it doesn’t happen often, but children can become parents to their fathers and mothers. They can become friends.

And that has happened with my own children.

How lucky can one man be?